American Valkyrie

Judge Not Thine Authors

Mon, 01 Sep 2008 01:39:51 GMT

I blog little, and I rant less. In general, I prefer to live by a "what they do is their business and I don't have time for that" kind of attitude. However, my mind has been ranting all day and now my fingers are translating it all into text.

Though I haven't yet read Stephanie Meyer's books, I have taken a recent interest in her career because 1) she's a female author 2) she's a fantasy fiction author 3) she's LDS. I completely intend to read her work, especially after speaking with at least four friends who are fans of hers and who attest to her skill. However, today while working out with one of my best friends, who is also LDS, we discussed books that she could read with her 12-year-old daughter. I mentioned the recent buzz about Stephanie Meyer, and how I had recently heard that she was LDS and puts moral principles in her book. My friend replied (to the LDS reference,) "Yeah, there's a big controversy about that."

*ahem* Excuse me?

This is not the first time this dilemma has caught my attention. As an LDS writer who is trying to finish a set of fantasy fiction novels for publication, I have wondered whether or not to pick a nome de plume for my work. Read on for my justification.

This is a quote by Stephanie Meyer from a website called A Motley Vision: "Some Mormons, especially those who know me, are surprised by my choice of topics. “Vampires?” they say, with a critical lilt to their voices. Then they add self-righteously, “I don’t read those kinds of books.” (Not all Mormons say that, some are really enthusiastic). I hasten to explain to them that it’s not like that. Unconsciously, I put a lot of my basic beliefs into the story. Free agency is a big theme, as is sacrifice. One very kind fan wrote to me and said, “instead of gore and horror there was lyrical beauty.” (Okay, so she was probably too kind). Even after I explain all that, I still have LDS friends (and extended family) who look at me funny."

Tracy Hickman dealt with the same thing. As co-author beside Margaret Weis of the Dragonlance series, Hickman developed a world called Krynn that is very similar to Tolkien's world, with many of the same mythological peoples. One facet of the world is that it is ruled by multiple gods, and these warring gods play a crucial part in the Dragonlance saga. Of course, as Hickman proudly proclaims his LDS faith, he was criticized for writing about polytheistic fantasy worlds. He defends his work here: http://www.trhickman.com/Spirit/Faith.html

Basically, the short justification is thus: It's fantasy. Make a distinction and either read the book or leave it on the shelf.

Orson Scott Card writes both science fiction works and pieces for the Church, his most popular work being a sci-fi story called "Ender's Game." He is very renowned for his writing, and the book he wrote on characters and viewpoint for Writer's Digest Books is my favorite and most influential piece on writing instruction yet. How much criticism has he undergone for writing about fantastic worlds and situations?

So why am I considering a pen name for my work?

I'm not at all ashamed of my work, and I love putting real situations and real characters into my stories. But if Stephanie Meyer comes under fire for writing about VAMPIRES (*gasp*) but does not put sex into her books, I feel I will be ostracized by not only some members in my ward but also certain members of the LDS community for the elements I put into my fiction. Do I care about what others think about me as a person based on my work? No, I already deal with a bit of ostracism for being a bit more eccentric than the mainstream cultural Mormon. But if people read Meyer/Hickman/Card and expect them to produce work of the same genre as Gerald Lund just because they are LDS, they are living in a separate kind of fantasy world. Because an author claims a strong LDS faith, are they disallowed an imagination, of adding specific imagery to their work, and basically thinking outside the box? How long will it be before I get an message in my Hotmail box urging me to ban the Twilight Series because it supports those fantastical elements, in the tradition of Harry Potter and The Golden Compass?

Several LDS friends have read my work, and I have always warned them, "It's PG-13," especially when some have suggested that I submit my work to LDS publishers. I know the LDS publisher's wont accept my work. I don't write sex scenes. There is violence (it's fantasy fiction!) but it's not graphic. And every bad decision and every antihero is rivaled by the consequences of those decisions. Let's see... in Heroes of Edurne, Eian is a duty-bound man who abstains from sexual encounters because he's unwed and isn't the kind of man who will leave bastard children along the countryside. But his best friend, Lucian, is not only openly gay but is the man who swoops in and provides Eian the aid he needs when Eian's own brother betrays the entire town. In the sequil, Werian Legacy, Aillhea is an impetuous girl who makes the decision to lie to the hero, Aeric, and engages in premarital sex because of some misguided ideals about love. When she gets pregnant and has to deal with the fact that Aeric's brother has a psychotic obsession about family, she realizes that her actions marked both her and her unborn child for death. The sex is not detailed... it happens between chapters, and there is no description of actions. As for the protagonists, even the antiheroes have valiant intentions and try to act for the greater good. I love my religion and I won't ever deny it. I know that my friends and fans will love my work and either not care what religion I am or will support my faith. But do I really want the critics to read my work and judge the Church, and maybe even say that I advocate homosexuality and premarital sex when I'm instead trying to portray that everybody has something to offer and that people can recover from their bad decisions?

This is the kind of blog that I'm not writing for my own personal catharsis. I would like responses. Advocate, disagree, whatever. Let's get a discussion going. How do you feel about this subject?

Slang and Archaic Synonyms

Sat, 07 Jun 2008 19:07:06 GMT

Most people not only have no love for the English language and its nuances, but think you're crazy for having a love of it. Fine, daft. Insane. Addled. Confounded. Touched. Bereft of mind. And, I suppose, I could go to dictionary.com and find more synonyms for "crazy," but these just popped into my mind.

I love how the resources have "archaic" synonyms... using "daft" for "crazy," for instance. Such synonyms are imperative to the imagery and setting of certain works, like the pseudo-medieval fantasy fiction I both read and write. Just by saying, "Are you addled?" instead of "Dude, you're crazy!" lets the reader know that it's a period work, or at least a work that borrows the setting of a time long past.

I'm always searching for the synonyms I need that can lend imagery to my work, just by using a choice word. A few months ago, I read the Livejournal blog by Tamora Pierce, where she listed texts she uses for her own imagery, one of which was Slang Through the Ages by Jonathan Green. I immediately went to Amazon.com and found distributors who still sold the out-of-print text, and I purchased it. The same day I received it, I pulled out my highlighter and perused the entire book, marking words that would be appropriate for my work. Though I did find some valuable words, I soon realized it was not slang I was looking for; it was archaic synonyms. Instead of using modern words for a woman of ill morals (I'll not use the words, to save myself censorship... you're already imagining them) I use "strumpet" or "trollop." Instead of war horse, I use "destrier." These are now used as slang, but were once very descriptive terms, and just by calling a woman a "strumpet," the reader knows to bring the imagery back a few centuries.

My 8-year-old son is currently interested in knights and the middle ages. When I noticed he had checked out some books at the library, published by DK Eyewitness Books, I borrowed them for the night, sat with my notebook, and recorded every descriptive synonym contained in them. I ended up with 5 full college-ruled pages, such as "pipe and tabor" for a duo of instruments used by a single man during a street festival, or "larder" for the pantry to store the meat. Each term lent so much more imagery, and made the prose so much more concise, than saying, "the recess in the castle, by the kitchen, where the meat was stored."

However, in search for the synonyms, the terms the characters might use (a nobleman would sooner use "strumpet" than "slut," a baser term that would be better said from the mouth of a serf or servant,) I discovered a great lack of resources. In addition, after searching for "medieval terms," I found that my own research of two books produced more terms than a Google search did.

I know there are other writers with the same predicament, considering I know many fans of fantasy fiction, especially with a pseudo-medieval setting, just of my personal acquaintance. Being the karma-minded idealist that I am, I considered setting up my own web database, listing both the terms and the synonyms, to be used as a resource for other authors. I already have two websites: one for Blackrock Wellness, and one for which I have not yet bought the domain, but where I will market my novels. Do I really want to take the time to create this database? Do I want to take the steps to collaborate with other writers and webmasters to create yet another helpful resource for writers, though I feel there are not enough resources for writers of my particular style and genre? Or should I continue to do my own research, create my own database, and share my work with those who ask?

However, I do know this: if anyone is actually reading my blog and would like to collaborate and share these terms and synonyms, please feel free to message me. I'll offer you what I've collected, and even if you have just a short list of terms I don't yet have, just one of those may enhance a vital scene. After all, can't you already imagine what type of man would be speaking this way:

“An’ so,” Durwin commented at the end, “ye didn’t turn the lass t’ debauchery at all. She was already a trollop.”

New from The Favorites

Sat, 24 May 2008 00:21:11 GMT

Released April 2008: Small Favor by Jim Butcher: Book 10 of the Dresden Files. For any fantasy-fiction fans who like tongue-in-cheek comedy, start at the beginning of the series (Storm Front) and work forward. Harry Dresden is a modern-day wizard (think: staffs, spells, and potions; don't think: funky religions and fundamentalist viewpoints) working in metropolitan Chicago, fighting the elements that we read about and see in movies, using very credible prose to explain how they could exist in real life. Jim Butcher has been a success since his first novel, and has a huge fan base for this very original series. He banked on a great idea before other authors could hit on it. Now to get the money up to buy the book...

Due to be released from Tamora Pierce: Bloodhound, book two of the Beka Cooper series, Tammy's 24th book since she published Alanna: The First Adventure in 1983. I first read Alanna when I was in junior high school, probably about eight years after she published it, and the Song of The Lioness quartet greatly influenced my writing hobby. All of her books are suitable for open-minded young adults (protective parents: there is some sex and violence, but not graphic) and a very fun read for adults. They feature original heroines who begin very young and go through life learning lessons, hence the appropriateness for young adults. My favorite heroine is still Alanna, though I think Keladry is more like I would be.

Come on Tammy, we're waiting!

Two Dreams Achieved

Fri, 23 May 2008 23:55:02 GMT

I'm on vacation right now.

I spent over a month fretting about my National exam for massage therapy, knowing that, if I did not pass it, I would have to find $175 more to take it again, which would be a huge burden on my husband, who is working two jobs while I get my education. Everyone just scoffed and said, with waves of their hands, "Oh, you'll pass it!" But I wasn't so sure. I felt that, if I allowed myself that bit of narcissism to think that, because I had gotten straight A's in school so far, I was destined to pass my National, I would be letting in that bit of weakness that could open the door to failure because I wasn't well enough prepared. We all know narcissists who ignore their weak spots, which leads to their doom. Those of us who write find this in our villains, and often in our protagonists. I couldn't afford that.

However, I couldn't let it consume my life, either. One of the best products of my 8-month hiatus from work was my boost in self-discovery. I am a better mother now than I have ever been, since I have surrounded myself with positive people (massage therapists are an eclectic group) and have not only seen a positive change in them, but in myself as well. When those final two weeks before the National arrived, I was determined to live my life and work on my other goals during those two weeks, that I was not consumed with angst. Three days before my test, I was in a study group with four other class members. Two days before my test, our study group was canceled but I studied on my own. The day before my test, I did absolutely no studying; I finished an entire chapter of Legacy, bringing myself within three chapters of finishing the rough draft. At 8:00pm, I took 3 Tylenol PM to ensure I would be asleep by 10pm. Though I try to avoid artificial treatments (drugs,) I know myself, and know that I'll fret about the test if I don't intervene, and have no sleep. At 6:00am I woke and got ready, and at 7:30am I was at the testing facility, being fingerprinted both upon entering and LEAVING the testing room (in case I change identities while testing.) I said five separate prayers while taking that test. When the computer asked if I was sure I wanted to finish testing, I clicked on "Yes" and waited for the results. The word was so small I had to lean in to read it: "Pass." I exhaled. I felt light-headed. Numbly, I rose and met the test administrator, got fingerprinted again, and got my printout. "So I passed?" I asked, figuring that, if a computer might be wrong about my score, a human would not. I received my congratulations and met my classmates outside the building. Of the six of us who studied together and tested together, four of us passed. I sent the text message to families and friends: "I PASSED!" The responses were unanimous: "Congrats. I knew you would." Don't you ever wish you had as much confidence in yourself as others have in you?

That was last Thursday. Since I cannot legally work as a massage therapist until I have either a temporary license or a real license in my hand, I'm on vacation. Temporary licenses in the State of Nevada take an average of 30 days from the day of graduation to process, and when I went into school after passing my national, the grades had not yet been entered into the computer, so I had not officially graduated. *Sigh.* Though the NCBTMB advises to wait six to eight weeks for processing of the national certification, which translates directly into state certification with the required hours, schoolmates have gotten their licenses within two weeks of submission. So the way I figure it, I have at least this week and next week as vacation. Luckily, my husband feels the same way. Relax. Enjoy your life. Work on your other goals.

Which leads to completion of Dream #2: completion of the rough draft of Werian Legacy. Today, at 3:30pm, I typed the final word and did the word count: just over 100,000 words. Perfect for a first-time novel, though this is my second novel I intend to submit for publication. Heroes of Edurne is just over 130,000 words, and I need to tighten up the prose and shorten it a bit.

Next steps: 1) Update the Blackrock Wellness website with new articles, fresh promotions, and information on where to find me if you would like to receive a massage. 2) Buy a laser printer and publish my intake information and waivers for both massage therapy and my self-defense classes. 3) Save Legacy to several backup drives and turn my attention to Heroes. I have had three people critique it, and those people are on different levels within the book. My toughest critic, my husband, has finished and has inundated my pages with comments. I have been fixing problems since he first started complaining about them. All three critics believe I can get this published. I'm excited, but still a bit scared. What if, what if...

After polishing Heroes, I will be building a website with the same elements that will be contained within a manuscript submission: a synopsis, a few character outlines, a biography of the author, and the first two chapters. The website will also give a brief outline of Legacy, with the first section. The website, along with query letters and emails, will be sent to prospective agents and publishers. Here's wishing and hoping.

Dreams... check. It's a start, anyway, and further than I ever thought I could go.

Bursts of Creativity Splash in Your Face

Thu, 27 Mar 2008 04:07:50 GMT

It's 8:30, and I wanted to try to be in bed by 9, so I'm well rested for the 5am workout tomorrow. Yet, I can't find myself doing what I need to do before bed: study for my practical anatomy final.

Creativity has struck again and Legacy is open on the monitor, and I'm speed-typing, helping Aeric and Lea convince the Hielgar thugs that Aeric is still a good little soldier, so they don't cut off his head and return it to his brother for the reward. Eian is about to sail up the coast, and right when the Hielgar men ambush him, Aeric will cut Lea's bonds and give her a dagger. Then Aeric has to convince Eian that he's not the enemy anymore, but Eian still believes Aeric killed Buirich, and captures him to turn him in to King Bannic and win a bit more amicability between the kingdoms. And Tiel, the nastiest of the Hielgar thugs, escaped, and now Aeric is committed to guarding Lea from a distance, because soon Dalach will know they're all alive and be after all their heads.

But I don't need to be working on Legacy right now. I need to be studying how the biceps femoris attaches to the ischial tuberosity and, combined with the semitendinosus and semimembrinosus, work to flex the popliteal joint, and how the piriformis is the strongest lateral flexor of the hip and lies across the sciatic nerve, between the ischial tuberosity and the greater trocanter, becoming an entrapper.

My national exam is less than 7 weeks away. Today, I took a practice exam and got 122 out of 160 questions correct. The school director responded, "Well... well, that's still passing." *sigh* I thought I was doing fine! I have straight A's so far, and 122 is "still passing." In order to ace that exam, I'll need to spend at least two out of seven days studying. Sadly, two out of seven days is about the time I can dedicate to my true loves, like the Amara books.

It feels like betrayal to tell Aeric and Lea that they have to wait until I have my certification, that they have to sit on that cliff awhile longer and avoid hired thugs and a merciless, depraved brother. Eian will have to sit offshore for two months, not knowing if his sister is alive or dead, and knowing full well that Dalach will try to capture and torture him for what his wife did to the Hielgar army two years before.

Maybe I can sneak in a few paragraphs here and there.

Oh look, it's 9:06. Darn.

Blogging to Success

Wed, 19 Mar 2008 01:13:47 GMT

Writer's Digest suggests it. Writing Forward advocates it. My two favorite authors have Livejournal accounts. And so I, too, am going to refocus my blogging on success. Or, at least, potential success. Enough of this "potential" nonsense; it will happen. And so, here I draw out my timeline:

Phase I of Blackrock Wellness: going on now
Pass national test for massage therapy: May 15, 2008
Become licensed in massage therapy: May 23, 2008
Establish online community on blackrockwellness.com: July 2008
Submit Heroes of Edurne to editors: August, 2008
Finish rough draft of Werian Legacy: December 2008
Establish blackrockwellness.com as a local resource for alternative health: end of 2008
Achieve warrior woman body: by the end of 2008
Begin rough draft of Fraomar and Alazne while Legacy is in critique: August 2009
Submit Werian Legacy for publication: December 2009
Finish rough draft of Fraomar: May 2010
Submit Fraomar for publication: December 2010
Phase II of Blackrock Wellness: by January 2011
Establishment of Amara series as a regular product in American bookstores: 2012
Phase III of Blackrock Wellness: 2013

Everything else is steps toward landmarks.

Take that, Mainstream America!!!

Fri, 02 Feb 2007 21:29:06 GMT

Go ahead and go to Myspace so you can be "friends" with all the big-name stars who hire people to put up profiles!

Thank you, but Jim Butcher is on Livejournal, and he blogs it all himself!!!

Fat-free Cheese: A Review

Mon, 06 Nov 2006 01:43:30 GMT

Today, we tried Lifetime Fat Free Swiss cheese. It was about $1.50 more per 8-oz package than regular cheeses, but we decided to treat ourselves and give it a try. The package had many promises: Only 40 calories (per oz), melts well, non-fat, higher calcium, rennetless.

I made quesadillas as a won't-get-on-your-clothes lunch before church. The kids had regular Kraft provalone and Russ and I had the fat-free cheese. We put it on Mission multigrain tortillas with raw mushroom pieces. To add flavor, Russ and I sprinkled ours liberally with El Pato hot sauce.

We needed the hot sauce. The cheese was very bland and didn't taste much like swiss. I'm happy to say it DID at least taste like cheese. And what would have been a 270-calorie quesadilla with 12 grams of fat was a 190-calorie quesadilla with 4 grams of fat.

The verdict: if you're willing to spend the money and want to go the extra mile for your health, buy this and use it for foods that rely on other flavors, like spaghetti, lasagna, or enchiladas. If you're a cheese aficionado, skip this cheese, cut your fat and calories elsewhere, and buy what will satisfy your tastes.

Fri, 27 Oct 2006 05:25:39 GMT

It's official. I'm in the Identity Theft Victims Club. And if it was a credit card commercial, my voice would probably be played by a computer nerd, considering my info was used to by about $125 worth of Symantec antivirus protection over the internet. It could have been higher charges, but my card has a $300 limit and I had $112 credit on the card before the theft. Luckily, Symantec customer service was very cooperative about refunding the money, and it should be back on the card within 10 days. Now let's see if I can convince the credit card to reverse the $58 overlimit charge incurred and cancel the card in a timely manner so I don't get more charges.

Sat, 21 Oct 2006 01:38:24 GMT

Psychotherapy when you can't get out of the house to buy your own:

http://fun.from.hell.pl/2003-11-24/bubblewrap.swf

Tue, 17 Oct 2006 06:03:36 GMT

And the winner of today's "That's Just Not Right" category:

http://www.abcunderwear.com/hammerhead-leotard.html

Safe for work... if nobody is looking over your shoulder.

testing

Mon, 16 Oct 2006 04:39:13 GMT

Mon, 16 Oct 2006 04:06:06 GMT

Situational humor: watching some stranger from across the country play a satisfying 20-minute checkers game on Pogo.com, with absolutely no clue his opponent is a 7-year-old.

Tue, 10 Oct 2006 22:15:09 GMT

A gift from Stumbleupon, and given to you by me: a fan of tongue-in-cheek humor:

http://youtube.com/watch?v=KmsOIjzQ1V8

So-so safe for work (a few cuss words and political satire)

Another for my possible cookbook

Mon, 02 Oct 2006 04:44:43 GMT

Health-Nazi Banana Muffins
(I will be changing the name if and when I publish the cookbook. Not good to offend your customers.)
Contains all 4 food groups, high in fiber and complex carbs. Higher in protein than most baked goods. Uses heart-heathy fats.

Good for:
-people with heart disease, high blood pressure, and high cholesterol
-hypoglycemics
-diabetics (may want to omit raisins)
-vegetarians (I'm working on a vegan alternative)
-women: high in calcium, folic acid, and soy
-people who want to replace simple carbs in their diets with more complex carbs and fiber
-people who want to eat healthier but have absolutely no time in the mornings
-people who want to loose weight the healthy way and need a good morning start

Sorry to:
-people with gluten sensitivity. Still working on a wheat alternative.
-people with certain food allergies. Allergic to tree nuts: simply omit almonds. Allergic to dairy: try substituting light soy milk.

Ingredients:

2 c. mashed overripe bananas
1 c. nonfat milk
1/2 c. canola or olive oil
3 large eggs
1 c. Splenda
1/4 c. sugar (may substitute 1/4 cup more Splenda, especially for diabetics)
3 T. cinnamon
2 and 1/2 c. white or whole-wheat flour
1 c. soy flour
1/4 c. oat bran
1/4 c. wheat bran
1 c. old-fashioned oats
5 t. baking powder
1 t. salt
2 c. COOKED 7-grain hot cereal (see tips)
2 c. raisins or substitute (dried cranberries, dried blueberries)
1 c. sliced almonds

Mix well: bananas, milk, oil, eggs, Splenda and sugar, and cinnamon. Add remaining ingredients, mixing just until flour is moistened. Grease muffin cups or use muffin liners. Bake at 400 degrees for 20-25 minutes. Makes about 4 dozen.

Tips:
- These aren't your light and fluffy high-carb convenience-store muffins. These are denser and heartier, like many breakfast bars on the market. 2-3 standard-size muffins with a glass of nonfat milk and a piece of fruit will make a great vegetarian breakfast.
- All the ingredients can be found in the bulk-foods section of Winco, with the exception of the bananas and Splenda (check baking aisle for Splenda.)
- Using stoneware muffin pans helps make the outside crust lighter and flakier, while retaining moisture.
- While still slightly warm, lock in airtight containers like freezer bags to retain more moisture.
- 7-grain cereal: buy in Winco bulk foods section and cook using 3/4 cup cereal and 2-1/4 cups water. Boil 10 minutes, then sit, covered, 5 more minutes before adding to batter. If no Winco is available where you live, look for Hodgson Mill 7-grain or 10-grain cereals in the cereal aisle or health-foods section.
- Toss a handful of whole flax seed (Winco) into 7-grain cereal while cooking for extra heart-healthy benefits.
- Easy to store: bananas may be previously frozen then thawed before use, and muffins may be frozen for up to 2 months afterward. Be sure to use air-tight freezer containers.
- If you desire butter, try using Smart Balance Light spread (sold alongside butter and margarine) at 45 calories per tablespoon and full of omega-3 fats, versus butter (100 calories per tablespoon) or margarine (80 calories per tablespoon and full of trans fat.)

If you end up trying this recipe, please message me and let me know how they turned out!

I can't resist

Thu, 28 Sep 2006 02:46:21 GMT

Once in awhile, my email-forwarding friends send me something worth sending on!

http://www.i-am-bored.com/bored_link.cfm?link_id=19788

Totally safe for work! Turn the sound up to get the full effect.

MP3 players

Wed, 27 Sep 2006 05:06:21 GMT

Any advice on buying MP3 players? Russ and I want to get them for each other during Christmas (plus the surprises we're getting each other.) We want something we can strap onto our bodies for workouts, that have the capacity to hold several files, depending on the type of music we want to listen to while working out. I'd like to put up to 20 songs in several different files, so I can just click on the kind I want. I've read that the MP3 players that hold more music aren't good for fast-paced workouts. Also, where's the best place to buy one?

Holy cow, is this true?

Sun, 24 Sep 2006 02:00:23 GMT

Today, I stumbled onto Ebay to browse for Christmas ideas for Russ, and searched for "globes," since he's the cerebral type. I found this: http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=230029744012 a red jasper gemstone globe, 12", up for auction with a $98 shipping charge (which is appropriate, considering I've worked in shipping and this will be a heavy object that requires a large box, padding, and insurance). The seller had a 97% approval rating and most of his gemstone globes sold for $200-$300, plus $60-$90 shipping. It had no minimum bid and a previous bid of $5, so I bid $5.50. The auction ended 5 minutes later, and I won the globe.

I'm worried that something might be wrong with it, but Russ (who doesn't know what it is, just that it's a high-dollar item that I won for $5.50) said sometimes those vendors put one up for open auction to see what the interest is, or they just anticipated a much higher dollar bid. I didn't pay immediately and waited a few hours to see if the seller would send an email saying, "uh... I can't sell for this little," but 7 hours later, I got an email from the seller, saying, "You won! Please pay $5.50 plus shipping."

So do you think I'm really that lucky?

Getting older

Sat, 23 Sep 2006 06:57:40 GMT

On the lighter side: that L'Oreal Age Rewind foundation really does fill in the cracks and crevices. And it smells appropriately like modelling clay. However, it really did make my skin look good, and I even got a comment at work that I looked better, which was miraculous, considering I felt like crap.

On the darker side: my old health nemesis is back. We'll just call him Nemesis, because he has never yet been diagnosed. When I was 7 months pregnant with Sahara and Nemesis made my legs turn dark royal purple, then made the veins in my right leg swell up to 2" widths and burst through my flesh in no fewer than five places, doctors at the county hospital ran a series of tests for blood-clotting disorders such as lupus. Funny, I never heard the results, so I assume they found none. My perfectly-healthy baby girl was induced and born a full 30 days early, and the pain subsided.

That is, for a few months. You see, because of the intense vascular pain, I did little eating during the last few months of the pregnancy, and walked out of the hospital and back into my size 12 jeans. But the repurcussions from the physical trauma, added to the 4-month length of stay-at-home-momness, packed the weight on my body. By the time I went back to work in a warehouse, I topped out at 202 lbs. I had daily pain, and kept thinking, "I feel like I just have too much blood." But I soon started working out and that (combined with working 2 jobs and keeping my family afloat in a horrible marriage, and giving up food so my kids could have it) helped melt the weight. When I was back down below 180 lbs, I had no more pain.

I kept the weight off for 4 years. But meeting a great guy who appreciates food as much as I do and doesn't pressure me to work two jobs has increased happiness in quantities far surpassing my increased butt size. By the time I got this new and current warehouse job, I topped out at 195 lbs... 20 lbs overweight. I've lost 5 of that, but the rest refuses to budge.

Only 15 friggin pounds! What the heck! But... I am 5 years older now, too. Man... I come home from work with painful, swollen veins and pain from my calves to where my legs meet the rest of me. It hurts so bad I just come home and lay down... I haven't made it to the gym since last Sunday. Again, it feels like I have too much blood, though I gave a double donation only a month ago. And even more, I'm worried about blood clotting. The consensus is apparently that I just plain can not be overweight.

I work out 3-5 days a week when I'm feeling well, and burn a minimum of 500 calories per workout. I eat very healthy during the day (Red River Cereal, skim milk, salads with grilled chicken and balsamic vinegar.) And I have lost the amount of weight in 2 sports bottles of water. But I have a sweet tooth, and the only thing I can imagine now is to cut out simply ALL refined sugar products. No more desserts unless they're fresh fruit, made with Splenda, or the traditional European cheese-as-dessert idea. Once I get used to the no-sugar idea, I'm going to work on cutting out all simple carbs and only eating the carbs in complex grains and fresh fruits/vegetables.

If I want to be walking in the next 10 years, I guess it's what has to happen.

Silicone Bakeware: a Review

Sun, 10 Sep 2006 05:30:36 GMT

I was curious when the silicone bakeware started coming out. Though I absolutely SWEAR by both my silicone scrapers/spatulas and my silicone basting brush (they don't melt and the bristles don't clog up with gunk or fall out into your food!) I was skeptical about the bundt pans and muffin tins. Part of this is because I'm such a huge fan of stonewear that I use very little else to bake. If I have the option of baking my breads or cookies, I will use stoneware instead of glass or metal. It ALWAYS turns out best!

So tonight, I made pumpkin white-chocolate-chip cookies. Every other batch was on my stoneware, and every other batch was in a cute pumpkin-shaped silicone muffin tray, which had to additionally be set on a metal cookie sheet (which will automatically redistribute the heat to the cookies' disadvatage.) The outcome: of course, the stoneware cookies were perfect: golden-brown and slightly crispy on the outside, soft and cakelike on the inside. The silicone cookies came out of the muffin tin very easily, due to the tin's flexibility (turn them over and push on the bottom, and they just pop out) and the fact that I can safely use nonstick cooking spray on these without breaking down the silicone. But after cooling the cookies, I noticed the crusts were twice as tough as the stoneware cookies. The baking process also took about twice as long.

The decision: silicone bakeware is great for the novelty and the flexibility (lol, literally) considering you can also use it to make funky-shaped ice cubes. But they don't turn out the best product.

New job

Thu, 10 Aug 2006 03:47:53 GMT

Day 3 of the new job, and with several victories:

-I'm already averaging higher speed and accuracy percentages than people who have been there 3 weeks.

-I'm definately burning a WHOLE lot more calories! A few months of this, and I'll be in smaller jeans... if I can lay off the desserts. I figure after a week of letting my body get used to 10 hours of walk-running combined with bending and lifting, I'll start going back to the gym and adding all that in.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to sleep.

Fri, 04 Aug 2006 06:29:01 GMT

Is it just age and maturity, or are we actually making a change in these kids?

Joe has fewer rage issues. Discipline involves setting an egg timer and taking away privleges. He's playing better with others, and not getting screaming-hurting mad when accidents happen. And especially, he's suddenly engaging in "why" conversations, such as asking how cars work and why we have laws. He loves riding solo with Russ, discussing "why." He engages in spontaneous cuddling, especially with Russ.

Sahara acknowledges why she's being puninshed and what she's being punished for. She's rarely wetting her pants during play anymore... and there is a candybar tacked to the wall, as her reward for the first night she wakes up with dry pants. She pops out of nowhere and says, "I love you, Mom." She comes up for random cuddles with me and Russ, but that's not too new. Her memory is sharp as a tack! If we say something, she'll pull it out of her head later. She ranked 4's on her pre-kindergarten test (3 is average in all categories).

Maybe it's all age... they're growing into these improvements. But behaviorally... I can't help but wonder if recent life changes, like my ability to be home when they are, and having a good male role model, have made such a drastic change. Joe actually says he's happier now... he doesn't say what is making him happy, but that he's very happy. And even that is an improvement... for him to acknowledge feelings other than anger, and in moments other than immediate playtime.

Sun, 30 Jul 2006 22:20:01 GMT

Update: I got the job. Which means, in 3 months, my blood or blood-to-whom-I'm-married relatives may rent vehicles for 50% off, if doing so at a particular rental agency.

Oh, and a kidbit:
Last night, Russ was lying on his back, watching TV. I slid slowly down to straddle his hips and give him wanton looks. Then, from out of nowhere, Joe burst, yelling, "Yay! Giddyap, giddyap, giddyap Russ! Can I be in front?" I cracked up.

Jackpot

Thu, 27 Jul 2006 20:08:19 GMT

After dropping Joe off at school, I didn't feel like working out and didn't have to work til 2pm, so we dropped into a little ghetto international supermarket to see if we could find some Brazilian Guarana Antarctica. No... maybe they stopped selling it... but we did hit the jackpot with other international foods. Garam masala powder, pure ghee, rose water extract to make rasmalai, bean thread noodles at rock-bottom prices, ginseng candy, pastes and mixes for Thai, Indian, and Vietnamese curries. Mmmmm! Also, I can get a can of coconut milk there for $0.65, versus $1.99 for the name-brand stuff at the supermarket across the street!

I'm out of the club.

Thu, 27 Jul 2006 04:28:29 GMT

It's not fair. There's a new club in the house, and I'm not invited. It's called the "Glasses Club," and you can only join if you wear prescription eyeglasses. Sahara just got inducted to fix her astigmatism. I was told I can't join until the eye doctor says I can. And sunglasses don't count.

No fair. And Sahara thinks it's really funny that I'm not invited into the coolest club in the house.

Next month, Joe is going to visit the eye doctor to see if he can join. Again, no fair. Shadow and I are going to form our own club.